Creative Dating: The Rise Of Dry Dating, Sober Love And Sex - What's Your Take?

These perks have been increasingly appealing to people who may have found themselves drinking too much during the pandemic, or otherwise reevaluating their priorities while in lockdown. “I’ve absolutely noticed that these past two-plus years … have drastically changed the playing field for dating, for socialising, for spending time with oneself,” says Silverman, 38. “People who would drink a bottle of wine on their own before, maybe now they’re having… a CBD beverage.” 

Alongside this new interest in sober socialisation, Silverman says the non-alcoholic beverage industry has boomed during the past two years. Along with tens of new brands emerging across the globe as well as new alcohol-free products launching from existing manufacturers, non-alcoholic beverage sales increased 33% to $331 million in the US, between November 2020 and November 2021. Some forecasters expect the global non-alcoholic beverage market to reach into the billions in coming years. Additionally, non-alcoholic bars are also growing, such as Denver, Colorado’s Awake bar, which launched in 2021, despite Covid-19 generally putting a dent in brick-and-mortar businesses.



First date shifting to bushwalks, trails walks and dog walks
Overall, the pandemic has played a part in moving many people away from thinking of alcohol as the default ‘anchor’ of a first date activity, says Ross. “Due to the lockdown restrictions, all singles could really do was go on walks. So, the traditional thinking of meeting for a first date shifted from dinner and drinks to bushwalks, trails walks, dog walks and any other socially distanced outdoor activity.” 

“One woman in our market told us that she had organised an afternoon online cook-off with her potential date. They agreed on a dish, cooked it together over Zoom and then had lunch together while they chatted and got to know each other.” He also saw people co-watch movies (remotely) and take online painting classes together.

These types of dates, says Ross, also tend to make more sense as daytime activities, “which almost removed the expectation of alcohol and drinks”.



Getting past the anxieties 
For many sober daters, however, transitioning from dates with social lubrication to those without any ‘Dutch courage’ hasn’t necessarily been easy. Removing alcohol from romantic situations can raise anxiety levels for some people, and even open them up to judgement from those who do drink. 


“People think that drinking makes them more confident,”

Once they bypassed the initial awkwardness, though, sober daters who spoke with BBC Worklife expressed significant improvements in their dating life. Several mentioned being “more conscious” during dates, and being able to more efficiently evaluate whether the person was right for them, instead of moving through an otherwise unfit relationship with the assistance of rosy ‘beer goggles’. 

“People think that drinking makes them more confident,” says London-based Caggie Dunlop, 32. But after sober dating a few times, she became “far more confident” because she wasn’t relying on any substance to try and present “the best version” of herself. “You are who you are and that’s it,” she says.

When Tawny Lara, 36, a writer and podcaster based in New York City, stopped drinking about six years ago, “even just mingling without alcohol scared the hell out of me, let alone having sex”, she says.  She found herself anxious, worried potential partners would judge her for not drinking.

Today, however, Lara is a happily sober dater and sexual partner. “We think we need liquid courage to have fun sex or be adventurous in bed,” she says, “but it's really hindering our ability to feel our feelings and… physical touch.” Now, she’s known as the “sober sexpert” (a nickname she got from Warrington) for the advice she doles out on sober dating and sexual encounters. Plenty of people are feeling similarly, she says – messages seeking her advice have increased big-time since the pandemic, and she’s recently brought on an assistant to help manage the new volume of communication.

Since sober dating has become more common since the pandemic – and with the wide embrace of sobriety-focused campaigns like Dry January – “a lot more people are open to [dry dates],” Bridgman has discovered. And finding them is easier; multiple dating apps let users specify their drinking habits upfront, like Bumble, which has a badge users can put on their profiles to signify they’re not drinking.